NOTE: All of this is written the day it happened. I didn’t know it was labor; I was just documenting for the doctor’s appointment I had on Friday. Read the rest of this entry »

In the middle of another dream, there is a commercial. It’s a commercial for trucks or cigarrettes or something manly. There are manly men standing around outside, and there are big grizzly bears milling around. One guy says, “Here I am in New Mexico”. The other men laugh and say, “This isn’t New Mexico.”. The first man says, “oh..Minnesota?” The rest laugh again. “No, dummy, it’s Poland. Now you have to go skin a bear.”

This is obviously the pre-set punishment for not knowing where you are, so burly-man-in-jeans-and-flannel-shirt #1 goes off screen. Cut to: BMIJAFS #1 pitching a lean-to near a campfire. A bear walks by, with no fur on. He looks the way uncooked chicken breasts look, with pink skin and some white fatty bits here and there.

This is the kind of thing my brain does All The Time. And you wonder why I am like this.

I just, got a letter from, an attorney who obviously, went to law school but still, does not know the proper, use of commas and seems to just, put them any random old, place.

I had another call from an attorney whose sentances all sounded like questions? No matter what he said? It was very strange?

Defendant, Hootie Mc Boobity was at, the store…

These people have to work really hard to go through law school, are they driven but not actually intelligent?

Attorneys are strange. My boss is very nice, we don’t work 80 hour weeks and we get bonuses fairly often. However, when he is in a bad mood or just busy (which is often), he has no qualms about being gruff or pissy with us, and does not apologize for it. If you’ve seen the movie Secretary, he is like the attorney in that movie, without the spanking. At least, he’s never spanked me.

So we videotape the kids a lot when we go to the skateboard park; they like to watch themselves and it’s a nice memory building exercise, right? So we videotaped them this weekend, and went back to the house to watch it. In an unrelated story, Handsome Husband always tapes me whenever I take a bath. It’s compulsive, apparently.

We had to erase 4 minutes of me in the bathtub from our wedding video. So one day I decide to give him a taste of his own medicine, so to speak. And since he doesn’t take baths, I run into the shower and videotape him there.

We always rewind these to erase them, no need to recollect any of this, we are naked at least once a day and often it is in the bathtub. However, I apparently didn’t rewind enough, as there is sweet family video of the kids with Grandma Annie, Three Very Long Seconds of (albeit Handsome) BUTT, and then some skateboarding and Second Born’s first solo ride on her bike. The kids laughed until they cried, then we were treated to five minutes of “Dad got his butt taped, Dad got his butt taped!” I thought First Born was going to hyperventilate.

I will be curious to find out if this will lodge in their memories, and we will have to hear this story every Christmas or whenever anyone brings out a video camera.

The Handsome Husband is going to help me make my blog look cooler. He has a pathological fear of Times New Roman. Also, he is quite handsome, a better cook than I am, and does all the ironing. In short, he is rad.

I still have a Buffy Medley in my head, it’s been 3 days now, with a brief respite that included English Beat’s “Mirror in the Bathroom”, which then prompted the memory of this girl in 4th Grade, who would write “Weird Al” type lyrics and give them out to everybody. It was stuff like “Picture on the Wall” turned into “Pissing on the Wall”, which, when you are 9, is pain-inducingly funny. The same girl would give flying lessons at recess. She would have 10 kids in line behind her with their arms out running around and jumping off the see saws. I wonder whatever happened to her.

Thank you for attending Traci’s Inane Blatherings, stay tuned next week, when she tells you about the girl in 6th grade who had the “radio” on her desk, who would sing when you pressed a “button” drawn on the desk with a marker.