The girl has all but perfected peeing on the potty, but poop is proving more difficult (much to my laundry woe). She has been promised a “surprise” each time she remembers, and this morning she said, “Oh! I have to poop!” and ran to the little red potty. Soon, she peed, and looked at me in dismay.
“Oh no! I did the wrong thing. I went the wrong way!”
Please purchase for me. Vodka tonics without the diluting power of tonic? Brilliant.
An excerpt:
SUGGESTION BOX ON THE DEATH STAR
I really like it when Nora improvises Star Wars dialogue. For instance, she will say, in her Darth Vader voice, “I am going to destroy your planet.” And I’ll say, “No! Please don’t! I really like my planet!” Then she breathes Vader-style for a few beats and comes back with, “I am going to destroy it anyway.” The Dark Lord of the Sith welcomes your feedback!
I just paid $63.33 to fill up my gas tank. Frik!
Okay, to cleanse the palate from that bank account disaster, let’s talk about the weather and the weekend. Scintillating!
The weather: Fan-fucking-fabulous. Sunny, warm, gorgeous. Cummington Sheep and Wool Festival on Saturday, which had me coming home with 900 yards of hand dyed squishy yumminess for $25! Woot! And 100 yards of super soft bunny angora; I could only afford a little bit, as it is spendy and I am broke (see: gas prices, above), but I slipped on the sample of angora wrist warmers and I swear to you all the tension left my body and I was enveloped in a warm sense of bunny-induced well-being. Audrey also had a great time, as a local celebrity (namely, AhMichelle, her preschool teacher) came to our house to caravan with us to the festival. This was incredibly exciting and slightly surreal for her. She is now obsessed with having people over our house and invites pretty much everyone she sees. It will be quite a party if everyone shows up on the same day.
Sunday, we cleaned out the basement in preparation for a group yard sale in 2 weeks. This was much more exciting than it sounds, and because we were feeling lazy afterwards, we had tasty handmade pita bread sandwiches from Florentina’s for dinner. Yes, this is how exciting my life is. No, I don’t know why I am not on Gawker daily. Must be an oversight.
It was so lovely this weekend, in fact, that I sat outside and finished Dooce‘s new book, which I will now send to her to be signed, because I am a blogger groupie. A bloopie? Grogger? In either case, if I ever met her, I would squeal and toss my panties at her.
The girl wanted to give me a quiz before bed last night. A sampling of the questions:
“Sense! Make the sense word!”
“What…is made of zebras?”
I don’t think I made it to the Bonus Round.
It is morning now, and she insisted on orange juice and pickles for breakfast. I don’t have the wherewithal to argue this early. Should be an interesting day.
Breaking news: Lori Drew gets what she deserves. What a bitch. The link has other links to the original story if you don’t know who she is, but to recap: She’s the mother of a teenaged girl who created a MySpace page to spy on another, less liked 13 year old girl. Just to clarify, The Adult made this page. She created a fake persona, Josh, who flirted and got the girl to think “he” liked her. To quickly sum up and not get the stink of Jerry Springer at its worst on me, along with multiple other bad decisions on this woman and her family’s part, “Josh” dumps her cruelly, and the little girl hangs herself.
I hope Ms. Drew realizes what she’s done, and feels the appropriate amount of horrible about it for as long as she lives.
