“Mama, why are there boys and girls?”

“mumble mumble chromosomes mumble evolution mumble go to sleep it’s 3am”

Here is my new answer from Plinky about who I want for Halftime at some football game:

Naked Rugby Guys!

http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/scanner/archive/2009/01/29/more-naked-rugby-dudes.aspx

Naked. Rugby. Guys.

Plinky is fun, but be warned, my cousin is now being followed by Lost Zombies.

Here is one more:

Introducing Superhero Me: Superella! Da da daDAH dada!

Superella!

I would be completely super in all ways, even more than I am now. I could fly, but only really low because of the agoraphobia. Super strength, obviously. And mind control. People would obey me by virtue of my mezmerizing super girl breasts. (again, even more than they do now). Lastly, and most importantly, Super Enlightenment.

1. It’s Starve a Cold, Feed a Fever an entire bag of cookies, yes?

2. Audrey is worried that her mouth will come off and reattach itself onto her forehead. “Um, if it does, sweetie, we’ll go to the doctor. I am sure they can fix stuff like that.”

She made this one up herself:

I have an embarrassment of riches. Money cannot buy a husband who is so committed to our life together (money can rent it for a while sometimes, but it seems I have it for the long haul, all for just being a good girl). He’s handsome, funny, wicked extra smart, a demon in the sack and really very good company. He is an incredibly hard worker, a talented artist (though he would never say so himself), is good at pretty much everything he does, is fiercely loyal, a great cook, has excellent taste in movies, and often thinks most female actors are Julia Roberts, which is an endless source of entertainment for me. Also, if you sneak up on him and tickle him just right, he will scream like a little girl, the sight and sound of which is worth a thousand Trump Towers.

The Tribe, who often converge here at The Compound, are worth their collective weight in gold, or possibly it’s their weight in delicious snacks. Either way, I don’t think I have had this many friends all in one spot since high school. Not only are they, alone and as a group, intelligent, sweet, and clever, but they are so funny that sometimes I can’t breathe. They do geeky things in just the exactly subtle geeky way, that’s not too geeky to be just sad and not too ironically self aware so that it’s still really fun. We watch movies in backyards; we yell and laugh and sometimes cry at political events; we celebrate birthdays, Cinco de Mayo, and Tuesday nights with equal ferocity and gusto. We watch each other’s cats and children. All of them are great and some of them are famous! Without them, I would not be nearly as close as I am to my Life’s Goal, which is to make out with Jon Stewart. (Dear Jon Stewart: I totally want to make out with you. xoxo, Traci)

Then there are The Moms, without whom I almost literally would have died. The convergence on this earth of such an amazing group of smart, funny, snarky, beer-guzzling, coffee-drinking, opinion-having, hilarious, sweet, and caring people, all having their first child within weeks of each other, is nothing less than kismet.  I feel I would have drowned in a baby haze of loneliness and confusion without them. I am so incredibly lucky to have a group- a rather large group- of people who know me, have seen me looking about as bad as I possibly can and probably not always smelling so good either, who know my kid almost as well as I do and I know theirs. It’s an amazing experience and I deeply pity anyone who has had to raise children without them.  I could not buy this with any amount of money.

Now that Audrey is in preschool, there is a subset of Moms called the Nonotuck Moms, although most of them are related, Kevin Bacon-style, to the Core Moms in some way. Again, not 100% as special as The Moms, but I seriously love that most of our meetings, whether playdates or official school business, center mostly on bottles of wine.

Which brings us to the Woman Herself. It is hard to conceive of a more perfect child. She is and always has been what is considered an Easy Child. She is hilarious (“hilarious *and* funny?”, she would ask), smart, beautiful, and more sure of herself than I have ever been.  She is a precocious reader, and I spend my days spelling things for her. Even when I am completely worn out and all I want to do is sit for one minute without her elbow in my boob, I look at her and am amazed she is mine. Such a gorgeous creature! If the world collapses in on itself tomorrow, I will consider myself blessed to have been able to spend four whole years in her company. She is an amazing gift.

So Take That, Recession, and Suck It!